I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today…
The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy!
What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.
Me: What’s the wifi password?
Barman: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: Okay, I’ll have a coke.
Barman: Is Pepsi okay?
Me: Sure. How much is that?
Barman: £3.
Me: There you go.
So what’s the wifi password?
Barman: You need to buy a drink first.
No spaces, all lowercase! Three men are on a boat They have four cigarettes but nothing to light them with.
So?
So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Got myself a takeaway coffee today.
I asked if I could pay by card.
The waitress said, “Yes of course.
What have you got?”
I said, “The four of clubs!”
Did you hear about the plan to prohibit the use of Roman numerals?
I for one, think it’s a terrible idea.
My wife told me she couldn’t stay married to a cross dresser.
So I packed her things and left.
Husband takes his wife to a disco, theres a man on the dance floor, moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. Wife turns to her husband & sighs “You see that man?
25 years ago he asked me to marry him & I said no!” Husband says “It looks like he’s still out celebrating!”
#joke
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